mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
