Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
