It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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