If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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