Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
