I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
