Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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