Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
