good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
