Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
