whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
