guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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