I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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