her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
