it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Everything about him screamed your future.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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