Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
