Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
its liver damage thursday
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
