I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I need to align my fucking chakras
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
