i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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