my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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