He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
