this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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