You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
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I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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