Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
