Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
