My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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