i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
