it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
