I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
