We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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