Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
