Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
