Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
