i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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