I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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