the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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