I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just pee around me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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