she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
