Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
