Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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