I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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