i would punch a child for taco bell
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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