i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Im part way to drunk.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
