just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
