After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
