god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think people are normalizing furries
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
