yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
