I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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