I skipped work to stalk him.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
