i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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