she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
