It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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