i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
