I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
