I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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