Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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