if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
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I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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