Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
