Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
