I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
