THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
