so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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