I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
