I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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