Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
