we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
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By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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