i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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