I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
