he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I love you.
Bad choice
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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