i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
