i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
