mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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