okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
