So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
