Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
