that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
