I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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