I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
