Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
