You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Randomize
